I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
