we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
