haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
