Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
