he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
