Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
