you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
