i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
