ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
