dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
