I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
