I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
