K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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