new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
