she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i drank out of a bidet.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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