I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
