Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We are two peas in an std pod
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
