theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize