i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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