It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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