I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
