I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
