Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
