Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
