Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
