So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
