Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
