I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
false alarm. still invincible.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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