I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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