we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
