I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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