Can i not drive my cunt home
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
