it wasn't lemon gatorade
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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