Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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