I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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