I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
