Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
