Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
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