I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
