why didn't you poke me back
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
