Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
