Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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