Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
