This house was built for laser tag.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
