How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
do herpes really smell.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
