this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
