hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
