i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
