have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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