hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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