Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
