in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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