god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
