I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
