There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
