Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
