he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
