We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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