Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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