She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just sent this text using only my big toe
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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