My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
