the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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