You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
