Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
