I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
