before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
