Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
