Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize