remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
