Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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