I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
high people should be assigned attendants
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
