K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I am naked and annoyed.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
