Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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