If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
