we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
